Help?

Jesus, I’m really really gna need a huge huge miracle.
Could you help me please?

It’s the only thing I’ve got, I don’t want to lose that too.

(Stress Stress Stress)

Funny Baby Names

Despite what the title sounds like, no… I’m not pregnant and no.. I do NOT have an obsession with babies. Yes, really, I don’t. But gosh! why is it that I only do stupid things when the exams roll around? Okay, nevermind, unimportant.

Today I decided to google my name. (Okay, sue me for being so zilian.) Anyway, the first result that popped up was babynamesworld.com. (FYI, Kaylin means slender and fair.) I wonder if my parents had that intention when they decided to name me, or maybe they just randomly came up with something and pop! out came the name “kaylin”. haha. But along my mindless browersing, I came across some seriously weird things. And the first thing that pops into my head is “why, why on earth?” Just hilarious.

Today, I learnt that the name..
(I feel like I learn more there than during mindless school hours, okay nevermind..)

Cameron means crooked nose
like really? like you really do want your new kid to have a crooked nose?

Joseph means He will enlarge
Enlarge WHAT?

Brody means muddy place
Seriously? All you want your kid to be is a muddy place?

Olivia means elf army

Logan means hollow
maybe thats why wolverine is angry all the time

Thomas means twin
long lost brother perhaps?

Tyler means tile layer
well, at least you don’t have to like worry about which course you’re gna take and stuff. you can skip further education altogether!

Manson means bricklayer and stoneworker
whats with all this names man?

Mia means uncertain, maybe bitter
perfect name for teenagers across the globe

Hailey means hay clearing or hay woods

Julian means down bearded youth
erm. WHAT?

Xaiver means new house
you know, maybe your parents didn’t really want a baby, they just really wanted a new place?

Carlos means free man
haha I bet this name was banned in the Soviet Union

Brooklyn means broken land

Parker means gatekeeper of a park
don’t you pluck flowers infront of this man! or step on the grass for that matter

Kennedy means armoured head or deformed head
HAHAHA. this is the best man.. worse than crooked nose!

AND by the way, these are from the top 200 names in US. ahahahaha. FUNN-EY.

Living in Past Glories

Here I am, sitting on the same chair, looking at the same four walls, clicking at the same old calculator, cramming the same old rubbish. Two years since I started, nothing’s changed. I’m right back to where I was before. Looking at the same old stuff (a little more complicated.. but who cares really?), learning the same old rubbish. It feels like the world’s moving forward but I’m standing still.

Two years ago, I got dumped in a new class with hardly anyone I knew. I learnt what it’s like to be judged. Two years ago, I picked up my textbooks and learnt what it meant to mug. I saw that those marks you get mattered. I learnt that failing wasn’t an option, failing was for the stupid and sure as hell, I ain’t gna be one of them.

One year ago, I was still at the same place. Acquaintances forged, I knew the names, I knew the faces, but I knew nothing else. One year ago, I learnt how to place my butt on the chair for hours and hours. I had a goal and I was going to do whatever it takes to get it. I learnt that if you aren’t going to be the best (or at least try to be), you should just quit it and give up already. I learnt that sometimes your best isn’t good enough and you got to try way harder than that. Doing paper after paper until everything was the same and nothing mattered, but I did it anyway.

Today, I’m back where I started.

It’s a different place, with different people and different things. But it’s still the same sad feeling. It’s the same sad faces. It’s the same dirty competition. You’re nothing unless you’re the best. You’re nothing if the numbers on your piece of paper is bad. You’re nothing. You’re nothing. You’re nothing. I’ve learnt nothing new and I’m still here. I’m still standing here. People have come and gone, people have grown and changed, people have learned and matured, but I haven’t.

I’m still standing here as time inches ahead. So slowly, I hardly realise. It’s been two years and nothing’s changed. I’m still here with the same old wants, the same old needs, the same old everything.

The old faces I remember, have been used and forgotten. New faces have appeared, and I don’t know how long they’re going to stay. I move on and on and on, trying so hard to stay ahead.

I think I’m starting to forget the things that really matter.

Twittering

Hello world.

Life’s been a bitch and there’s nothing noteworthy enough to be posted. Even if there was, I most likely wasn’t in the mood to post anything.

I now twitter at http://www.twitter.com/superkaylin

Because it is always easier to give 160 character updates on my boring life than to type a long essay about nothing. Although I will post here when I’m feeling particually articulate.

I have 999999 things to complain about, but, who doesn’t? Life’s a bitch and we all know it. I think you already know what I’m going to complain about (I am a spoilt brat after all), so i shall just save everyone the trouble and quit typing.

Good day to you all.

(And I just read the best pickup line ever: You’re not the best-looking girl here but don’t worry, beauty is only a light switch away.)

Kicking buckets

I don’t know what to say. I still don’t.
I don’t know what to think. I still don’t.
I don’t know how to feel. I still don’t.

I’ve done the last rites and watched you go.
But this doesn’t feel real. I still don’t believe it all.
Twentysomething is just not the right age to kick the bucket.

Oh fuck, why did you have to go?

Goodbye?

Not believing it wouldn’t make it any less real.
They always come, and they go.

oh shucks

school is tomorrow (and so is my exams but i don’t care). and im feeling so terribly sad that my holidays are over. oh my oh my oh no oh on. ): so freaking sad, the next holiday i’ll get is in december and then after that I’ll be in JC2 which totally sucks. i haven’t studied much for my papers, i tried today, but ah screw it, i just don’t care enough to study.

Joy Ride

I never knew that sitting on a truck while stimultaneously screaming your lungs out at random passerbys (and they shake their heads with a resigned look on their faces that means something that “STUPID TEENAGERS!”) at midnight CAN BE SO MUCH FUN!

I mean all the foreign workers in trucks always look so sad and depressed, i thought sitting on a lorry made you sad and depressed. I guess not. Maybe they’re just sad and depressed because of other more complex matters. But whatever.

I ♥ TRUCKS. they are SO cool.!

On a brighter note…

This holiday has been awesome. Feels like I’ve done just about everything there is!

It has been filled with bouncing on happy big beds screaming to the song “MOVE MOVE SHAKE SHAKE!, waking up and finding my bathtub filled with “bubble” tea (really), attending a funeral ):, staying up all night playing bridge, learning a new dota character!! , going for morning walks while everyone is sleeping , birthday surprises with lots of expensive balloons, playing murderer in the dark at like 5a.m., being a deranged detective, talking so much rubbish in the middle of the night, dental appointments, sliding on water slides meant for little kiddies, shopping!, waking people up by bouncing on their beds and whacking them with my stuffed crocodile, the super duper painful but fun whacking game, sleeping 18 hours a day, awesome jacuzzi, screaming so much till the resort people had to come and get us to shut up, the awesomely stupid one-number cheat, more and more lan and getting pwned like madness

and..
upcoming BBQ
upcoming HAPPY GIRLS-DAY-OUT!!!!
upcoming orphanage trip
upcoming laserquest!!!!

i’m excited!

Well, okay i basically did everything but study! My mid years are going to be OH-SO-SCREWED but who cares?! It’s all worth it for having the most awesome one month ever since Febuary!

ONE MONTH IS JUST NOT ENOUGH!! oh boy school don’t start will you pretty please?? Someone please bomb up the entire school or H1N1 PLEASE TAKE OVER SINGAPORE OR SOMETHING SHEESH, so that my holidays will last forever and ever and ever and I can have lots of awesome funtimes! (: School just makes me so grumpy and sad!

waking people up by bouncing on their beds and whacking them with my crocodile then going back to sleep +

Satisfaction is hard to find

I take a look around me and it seems like everybody’s life is going somewhere. Everyone has found something they love or something that gives them satisfaction. Everyone has found something to work hard for or something to strive towards. Everyone has something they love doing in their lives. Everyone has found something they’re good at.

Feels like its happening for everyone but me.
I’m alone on an endless road to nowhere.

I spend days wishing I wasn’t here or wishing I was somebody else. My wishes are endless. I never seem to be satisfied for long and hardly anything satisfies. Feels like nothing is worth it.

School’s not working out. I freaking hate every moment I spend in school. I hate studying. I hate it all. Every moment I spend in school I wish I was somewhere else. Everyday I get ready for school I wish I was somebody else. Every single moment I spend with my books I feel like I’m wasting my darn time. It doesn’t offer me satisfaction like it used to. School doesn’t seem to be worth it. Church seems to be failing too, it isn’t my retreat like it used to be. During the long week I used to look forward to Saturdays. Not anymore. I don’t feel like it’s home anymore.

Nothing seems to be going right. It seems like I have nothing to want, nothing to love and nothing to fight for. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to treasure and nothing to be passionate about. I’m just going through the motions of life, living each day as it passes. I spend my days listless, always wishing for something else. Wishing for I don’t know what, just something that isn’t me.

Maybe it’s just me, maybe i should go out and find something I love. And not to sit here and wait for life to throw me something worth my time. Maybe to make something worth it, I have to first find it. I don’t know.